UCMU

Uniform Code of Men of the Universe

I’m wondering if it’s a rule or something in the unwritten Uniform Code of Men of the Universe (UCMU) that if a man goes to bed before his wife or significant other, they must sleep on her side.

Rule #78357354. When going to bed before other half, sleep on other half’s side, thus making other half work at getting into bed by pushing, shoving you over to the COLD side of the bed. The other side being cold makes the other half work harder because who wants to move to the COLD side, so of course you balk, but do eventually make one of the supreme sacrifices of your life by moving.

Ok. So now he’s made one of the supreme sacrifices of his life by scooting over to the cold side, which by the way, he wouldn’t have had to do had he been on the correct side to begin with. Now it’s our turn to jump into bed only to find it hot and damp because the man of the establishment has been sweating and our side of the bed needs the air conditioner turned onto it for about 15 minutes before it’s tolerable to sleep in.

It’s a guy thing, right fellas?

And you KNOW why I thought of all this and wrote it down don’t you? Yep, I, being tired and of sound mind, tried to go to bed, on my side of course. Having finally gotten him to his cold side of the bed, I am lying here on the hot sweaty side waiting for the air conditioner to miraculously turn on and cool it off in the dead of winter because I don’t sleep well when it’s hot. And of course, the writing part hits and I have to write it down. If I don’t do it now, in the middle of the night when I’m tired and sleepy and try to in the morning when I’m awake and refreshed, I won’t remember it. That seems to be listed in another Uniform Code book of rules, the Uniform Code of Murphy’s Law (UCML).

Copyright Dec 30, 1998

Cindy Piper